Miss Naked Beauty (Tuesday 8pm Ch4)

Described as a ‘hunt for a woman who embodies the confidence, sex appeal, spirit, brains and true natural beauty of a modern-day Eve’. The idea (or the way Channel 4 market it) seems to be to get women to strip away the usual cladding of makeup and clothes to reveal their true natural selves, empowering women to transcend the vacuous materialism of modern day living and find peace and harmony within the body they were born into.

Sounds alluring doesn’t it?

It isn’t though. I’m not sure how Gok Wan and his co-host Myleene Klass actually selected the woman that appeared on last night’s show because I didn’t watch the first half. However, it soon became evident that all the applicants almost perfectly undermined every clause in their mission statement. Let’s go through them.

1. Confidence: Some women cried when they had to remove their makeup. It’s only face-paint for god’s sake! Beneath which is an ugly face that we can all see perfectly well, despite the colours you’ve smudged on to hide it. Anybody would think that they’d asked Joseph Merrick to take the bag off his head.

2. Sex Appeal: A lot of the women were not sexy.

3. Spirit: Inane modern day buzz-word loosely related to personality and strongly connected to a mythical ghost thing that lives inside your body.

4. Brains: Nope, none of them about, just a lot of cliches they’ve read in Heat magazine.

5. True natural beauty of a modern-day Eve: Would a modern-day Eve be obese, pierced and covered in tattoos?

It’s not that I have a problem with the concept – I actually think it’s a nice idea – but the advertising, presenters and people selected are all poorly contrived. The adverts for the programme show Gok Wan hosing down a bunch of naked women standing in some sort of pit. I’m sure all the perverts of the country now have the show schedule scratched into their arms but how many women will think “hey, naked woman being shot with a fire hose – Sky Plus that!”  I also don’t like Gok Wan. He’s probably well meaning, but aloof and condescending and also, most importantly, not a woman. I don’t hate Myleen Klass, but I don’t see how someone who embodies the qualities that the show aims to steer people away from can be of any assistance. And finally, the actual people. Some of which are ok, but many of whom are just shallow and self obsessed.

Perhaps, over the coming weeks the show will change my opinion (probably not because I shan’t be watching) but I can’t help but feel that while a group of show-offs parade around whingeing about their need for make-up and Prada, there are thousands more women watching the show in dismay at how modern women are being represented.



Filed under Television

5 responses to “Miss Naked Beauty (Tuesday 8pm Ch4)

  1. The Big Cheg

    You’re one to talk Mitchell! How much mascara do you use to conjure up that heroin-chic look of yours?!

  2. p treg


  3. In fairness it’s not so much a heroin-chic look, he’s more fused Flashdance with some MC Hammer type shit.

  4. Si

    lets just hope they dont make a mr naked beauty looking for modern day Adams.

  5. Gok Wan

    i don’t like you either…

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