“There is no cholera in Zimbabwe” . . . apart from all the cholera of course.

 President Robert Mugabe has said in a televised broadcast that “there is no cholera” in Zimbabwe any more, because they had cured the outbreak.

Either, Zimbabwe flew in all the doctors from around the world last night, whilst simultaneously gathering up all the cholera patients and then treated them before daybreak, or Robert Mugabe is continuing to assert himself as the world’s biggest twat.

Considering the money required to complete such a monumental undertaking and seeing as all the money in Zimbabwe is currently worth about as much as a single square of soiled 1 ply toilet paper, I would have to side with my original notion, that he is in fact a twat.

The World Health Organisation aren’t in concurrence with the twat’s findings, stating that, as of yesterday at least 783 had died of the disease and 16,403 had been infected.

On top of this, the lie obviously coincides with the combined presidential call from France, Britain and the US, for Mr Mugabe to step down from power. Indeed, Mr Mugabe can even be quoted as saying “Because of cholera, Mr Brown, Mr Sarkozy and Mr Bush want military intervention. Now that there is no cholera, there is no need for war. The cholera cause doesn’t exist any more.” So ner ner na ner ner!

At first I was incredulous that the President of a country would utter a lie so stupendously crap and childish that even an actual child wouldn’t say it for fear of sullying his good name. However, herein lies the problem, because unfortunately, Robert Mugabe no longer has a ‘good name’ to sully. To call someone Robert Mugabe in an argument is about as offensive as it gets. I’d rather be called a fucking cunt than Robert Mugabe.

So bearing this in mind, along with the fact that during his 28 year jurisdiction he has managed to totally and irrevocably fuck up virtually ever facet of Zimbabwean life, gain universal recognition as a total arsehole and is currently 84 years old in a country with an average life expectancy of under 40 (the 4th worst in the world), he probably thinks “Oh well there’s not long left for me, i’ve had a good innings and learnt that i’m a supremely evil megalomaniac, so what’s the point in trying to turn things around now?”

To cap off his nonsensical harangue, Mr Mugabe also chose to demonstrate to the world that he is not only a supremely evil megalomaniac, but also a very stupid one. In what he probably assumed to be a witty riposte to Gordon Brown, he said “Shall we also say that (because) there is mad cow disease, there must be war, Britain must be invaded? Mr Brown, your head must go for some medical correction.”

No Robert, you are the one that needs correcting, medical or otherwise, but it is looking increasingly unlikely that that will ever come to fruition. In the mean time though, I suggest we curtail your supply of British beef for good.



Filed under Current Affairs

3 responses to ““There is no cholera in Zimbabwe” . . . apart from all the cholera of course.

  1. Cheggers

    You are a fucking cunt.

    Predictable I know, but I feel it needed saying.

  2. Dearest Robert Mugabe,

    I wanted to take the time to say how impressed I am with your ability to forsee the future. To start a blog in which you amusingly comment on the detritus of UK TV knowing full well that come December you will have the perfect platform to launch a reverse psychological tirade in a vain attempt to 3rd person triple bluff us into continuing to send you British Beef.
    Well Mr. Mugabe the joke appears to be on you. I fear the loyal following of corporate slave monkeys who read this blog have very little to do in the way of domestic bovine produce and its exportation.

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